i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
