worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
