my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
