he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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