I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
