Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
