Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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