I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
