My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
