I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
