They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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