The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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