My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
