i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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