I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize