When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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