I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
