I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
