you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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