i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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