we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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