he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
