Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
