Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
