guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
