so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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