We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
