What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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