i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
