First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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