sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
