Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
