I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
