I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
