She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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