she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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