i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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