he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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