I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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