areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hippo gnu deer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
