Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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