is your mom at the bar?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
