Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize