The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
