Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
