Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
