Your dad touched me again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Terrible idea I love it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
