She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
