Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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