Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
