I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
