Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
