GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
