cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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