i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
