Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
