1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
