Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
