you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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