When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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