The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
