If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Found the puke drawer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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