i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
