Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
