can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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