john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
