you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
