captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
