I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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