Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
