guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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