he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
