Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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