Hey man sorry I got all grabby
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
