You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
