I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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